This is a season of expectation – waiting, hoping, looking forward, anticipation. Two-thousand years ago, the expectations of mankind spanning millennia were fulfilled in the birth of a baby who was fully God and fully man.
Sometimes, especially at this season of the year, we may expect more of ourselves and others emotionally, socially, and in pace of activity than is reasonable or even possible. As a result, we may end the season, disappointed, exhausted, and depressed. How do I know? This was my experience for years. I wanted to love Christmas but I dreaded it every year.
When I stopped expecting so much out of myself during the season and created boundaries which called on others to adjust their expectations of me, I got OK with Christmas. I want to let you in on my before and after. Maybe it will serve you in some way.
Emotionally, I thought this season was supposed to have some exceptionally warm, rich emotional quality. I saw others who seemed to enjoy it so much but it really never met my expectations. I just didn’t feel it. In fact, it was often like every other season of the year only with more pressure to experience it as something unrealistically exceptional. I’ve learned to allow my emotions to be what they are, happy, sad, excited, reserved, joyful etc. and not necessarily what I or everyone else may expect. When I lowered my expectations about emotions and the season and asked others to adjust their expectations of me, I got OK with Christmas.
Socially, I was usually exhausted during this season. When I was on staff at churches for 31+ years, we attended socials and events night after night through the season. I have a more introverted personality so being with lots of people for a lot of time drains me at every level. Frankly, for a while, I thought something must be wrong with me. I can do the big socials occasionally but night after night is draining. I need more time alone or with a few people to restore my energy. When I lowered my expectations about social aspects of the season and asked others to adjust their expectations of me, I got OK with Christmas.
The pace of activity at this season is exceptionally fast. It’s a monster we have created. Hurry, hustle, bustle, here, there, going, shopping, partying. I like to be reasonably busy but want to control my pace and expenditure of energy. I prefer that I not be controlled by someone else’s schedule without being consulted. I prefer that the pace not be frenetic. When I lowered my expectations about pace and asked others to adjust their expectations of me, I got OK with Christmas.
What do you expect of yourself and others at this season?
How reasonable are your expectations?
I’m part of a Facebook group of young clergy women. One of them asked about the “emotions” of Christmas and how we deal with it when we don’t “feel it.” I can relate. While I have a fairly high Birkman score on the emotional side of things, I am such a control freak that I want to control what emotions I show. I don’t tend to be overly dramatic about much of anything without some serious effort. And, Christmas is one season where that is especially so.
I’ve walked with lots of people in the last few weeks who are experiencing the hard, daunting, painful tasks that life brings. Death. Divorce. Serious illness. Financial crisis. Loss of faith. This year just hasn’t seemed joyful and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. I couldn’t force or fake being happy and joyful. And, I’m okay with knowing I don’t really have to be.
For this year at least, I have re-framed what Christmas means. I focused on incarnation….the totality of incarnation. Christ came, put on flesh and walked the dusty roads of this broken world in order to live life fully. And, to show us what it means to live life to the fullest. (Seems like John said something about that, too.) Living life fully means Christ experienced heartache, pain, grief, betrayal, hunger, exhaustion and frustration. And yet, we saw how He engaged all of those things. He didn’t run from them or try to lessen the effects. He lived fully; He lived faithfully. We see how to walk the journey with trust and hope that one day all will be right.
That day isn’t today. And it won’t be tomorrow. But, we if we have experienced this world in a more full way (by engaging the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful), we can help walk with others who need to be pointed toward the wholeness we find in God’s kingdom which is both now and ever-coming.
This reshaping has helped me make more sense of the current situation I find myself in as I think about what the appropriate “emotions” are for this holy season.
(Now that I’ve written that all out, I think I’m going to copy it and post it on my blog. I may need this reminder at some point down the road.) LH
Good word, Lory! Thanks for sharing!